


c'est la mort

by psychictantrums



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, billy is just weird, but just not yet, idk what this is honestly, steve has nightmares, there's a concert, there's gonna be smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-08-20 01:45:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16546451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychictantrums/pseuds/psychictantrums
Summary: Hawkins was cursed. Soulmates didn't mean anything in this soul sucking town. Everyone left, everyone fell out of love, so what did it even matter? If Steve was going to have a chance, he was going to have to go somewhere far far away on the day that his timer was set to go out.





	1. leave the light on

**Author's Note:**

> c'est la mort by the civil wars is the theme song of this whole thing. im new to this whole writing for the public thing so i don't really know what im doing. i just hope you enjoy the story.

_Would you believe me now if I told you I got caught up in a wave? //_   
_Almost gave it away //_   
_Would you hear me out if I told you I was terrified for days? //_   
_Thought I was gonna break_   


* * *

 

Steve had been dreading this day for the entirety of his nineteen years on this stupid planet. The time bomb on his wrist was going to run out and his world was just going to keep turning. Maybe it was just Hawkins’ Curse. Maybe it was just a leak from the lab that messed with everyone’s soulmates. God, he hated that word more than anything else in the entire universe. Hated it more than the Upside Down believe it or not. 

 

Nineteen years was not a very long time, but when it’s broken down in hours since the day you were born and there are dozens of examples all around you of times that soulmates almost never pan out, it seems like forever. And the worst part was that it didn’t even count down to the moment you meet your soulmate. It didn’t tell you where. It didn’t tell you what they said. You could spend your whole life with your soulmate right next to you and the hours don’t stop ticking until you are ready to be soulmates. What a crock of fucking shit.

 

Steve had known his whole life that he would never be caught dead in Hawkins when his clock hit zero. He was going to go somewhere else. Anywhere else. He wanted to leave Hawkins behind. He couldn’t imagine one more second in that literal Gate to Hell. The kids were smart and they had Hopper and Joyce. They didn’t need a babysitter anymore than they needed a ride. Hawkins could do very well without him.

 

Over the years, he would imagine all of the places he could go. Italy would be nice. Both of his parents were Italian, but Steve had been there a handful of times and he figured he should go some place brand new. Boca or South Africa or fucking the Bermuda Triangle or some shit. Any fucking where but Hawkins, Indiana. 

 

He stopped thinking about that shit when he was with Nancy. Towards the end, he was actually kind of hopeful that the whole soulmate thing might actually work out for once. His own parents stopped being in love _long_ before they decided to bring a child into the world like that could fix infidelity. Nancy’s parents weren’t in love either. Karen was always too busy gossiping and Ted was about as useless as a log in every situation. Joyce’s first soulmate beat her. She got a chance at a second only for the numbers to disappear on the night Bob died. Now she has a third set of hours and everyone pretends they don’t know that Hopper has a timer again too. Steve has seen Hopper’s personally and he knows they have the same time ticking away. Few months and they’ll be fine. It’s the only one he has faith in. That and Lucas’ parents. They were just a special case completely. Dustin’s dad was dead and Claudia never got a new timer. Max said Neil’s only soulmate was himself. Tommy and Carol’s parents were both divorced before they were even in kindergarten.

 

In other words: Soulmates don’t exist at all. Some people just get really lucky.

 

And Steve Harrington had never been lucky for one single second of his entire life.

 

His run of bad luck began with being born into an already broken home. When his parents realized a baby doesn’t solve anything at all, they started focusing all of their attention on making their offspring a perfect specimen of humanity while simultaneously giving him zero love and affection. From the time he could walk, they had him in sports. Baseball, basketball, football when he was younger, swimming, hockey, soccer, fucking fencing. If it could possibly hurt you at some point, Steve was doing it. It made him the most popular boy in school by the time he got to middle school though. Popularity always came with a stroke of bad luck. Rumors started and never ended. Sometimes Steve couldn’t remember what was a rumor and what he actually did. By the time he got to high school, he dropped a few sports and he added on yearbook, prom committee, student council, Future Business Leaders of America, and key club. He eventually dropped yearbook to have a little extra time. Plus, it meant the least on college applications. Those all came with their own work outside of school, outside of meetings, which had to be balanced between homework loads and regular sports and hanging out with people to keep his image up. When he was with Nancy, everything just seemed easier. Of course, after finding out actual monsters exist, the rest of the world seems like it doesn’t really matter at all in the grand scheme of things. 

 

That was an entirely different beast. He fought those things twice. Nearly died both times. Pretending to be normal after an experience like that was just boring so he just stopped everything. All of it. Sports, clubs, hanging out. His last semester of school was just for him. It left him more time to freak out about the Upside Down and run the brats all over Hawkins. Gave him time to freak out about living the rest of his life knowing this truth and having to go on a 9-to-5 American taxpaying life after this. He gave up on the idea of college a while ago and with a job like serving up ice cream, he doesn’t have to use his head too much. It makes coming home to an empty house, the memory of a dead girl in his pool and nightmares every day of the week a little easier. Somehow, every time those monsters get out, Steve found himself into the middle of it. He didn’t care how lucky they got coming out of the fights. It definitely wasn’t luck that got them into the situation in the first place. 

 

Steve’s bad luck didn’t end there. Of course not. His whole life was a stroke of bad luck. On top of all the other bullshit he dealt with, Nancy was the only girl he ever liked. Only one he ever actually wanted to fuck. Until her, he exclusively thought of hot guys -- celebrities, no one in Hawkins was as pretty as Steve -- every time he was intimate with anyone, he had to sleep with them in order to keep up the image. Dudes. Just dudes all the time. That’s why he had to leave. If he was going to get a soulmate, it was going to be a thousand miles away where he actually had a chance. He wouldn’t allow himself to get stuck in Hawkins for the rest of his life with someone that meant absolutely nothing to him.

 

After last Halloween, he redoubled his efforts to find the perfect place. A place to be accepted. The idea came to him from little Byers of all people. The kids he took care of were all exceptionally smart and kind, but Will was deep and connected. Probably from being kidnapped and possessed, but didn’t matter. He told Steve to stop thinking about the place so much and think more about what he wanted to be doing the exact moment the time ran out. What did he want to be doing when he was supposed to be ready for his soulmate?

 

Steve finally found it. A charity concert. One far, far away. That’s where he was going to be. The venue was far, tickets were cheap, charity was cheaper and he had a free plane ticket from his grandmother that she gave to him as a graduation present. She always was the nicest to him out of their whole family. Steve’s mother always called her a batshit psychic with a lot of money and after witnessing Eleven, he wondered if she was ever crazy at all. If anything panned out with this whole soulmate thing, he was definitely going to call her and tell her all about it. 

 

All Steve knew was that he wanted this more than he had ever known. He wanted to do something that fucking mattered. He wanted to give his money to people who needed it. He wanted to experience all of that. He wanted to feel alive and Hawkins was nothing but death and decay all around him. 

 

* * *

 

“Steve? Steve?! Are you listening to me?”

 

Steve picked his head up from the sticky table top of the corner table by Burger King and looked at Dustin who hadn’t stopped talking for the last 3 hours. “No,” he said honestly. “No, I wasn’t. I’m sorry, dude. My heads gone.” All he could hear honestly was the buzz of the Starcourt all around him, inside and out. People just yapping and complaining. He was pretty sure he heard singing from something other than a radio. Just a buzz that cut straight through the radio silence of alone like he was used to.

 

Dustin looked at him like his face had just opened up and ate Tews. “Your head is gone?” He asked, grabbing another cheeseburger and unwrapping it. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

 

Steve’s arm darted out as fast as he could to keep Dustin from shoving one more piece of food in his mouth. “Dustin, I bought six cheeseburgers. There is one on the tray and one in your hand and I’m going to eat both of them. You are never going to be able to run away from monsters if you keep eating your feelings. I’m sorry I wasn’t listening to you, but I am now. So stop eating, start talking, and let me solve your life for you, yeah?” He brought the cheeseburger up to his mouth and took a bite.

 

The thing about Dustin was that he never cared much for the soulmate thing. He said Mike’s timer fizzled in and out. Mostly out. He suspected it only lights up when Eleven goes to Middle Earth or some kind of nerdy bullshit name they give that inbetween place. Lucas’ was always gaining and losing time. Will didn’t have one at all. Never had. Not even for a second. So Dustin thinks it’s just as stupid as Steve does so his dating problems were always superficial. Not dating for the future but dating for the sake of not being alone for a little while. It made Steve kind of sad that Dustin felt this way already, but Steve started thinking about that a lot earlier than Dustin. 

 

“She said my hair looked like a Brillo pad that had been used too much,” Dustin repeated, pulling his hat down a little as he said it. 

 

Steve sat up a little straighter and put the cheeseburger down just to look Dustin directly in the eyes. “Henderson, look. There are a lot of shitty people in the world with shitty attitudes and shitty opinions, but fact of the matter is, once you get past how big Julie’s tits are, she’s ugly. You have the best hair in Hawkins, kid. You want me to get Max to slap her for you? I’ll do it. Just say the words.”

 

“The fuck are you dragging my little sister into your son’s battles for?”

 

Steve stared dead at Dustin still as he heard Billy’s boots come stomping closer. The buzz was gone. All he heard now was Billy and it was fucking annoying. He felt Billy’s whole body just sag into the seat in between him and Dustin despite never touching either of them and he could just barely make out the shape of him and his stupid open shirt from the corner of his eye. He didn’t even want to turn his head. He was having such a nice day. Steve opened his mouth to speak but was surprised to hear a startled squeak come from Billy that made him snap his head in that direction. 

 

Billy had picked up the cheeseburger that Steve had set down and was halfway to taking a bite except Dustin’s hand was curled around Billy’s wrist and there was no fooling around when Dustin spoke, voice even and slow. “That cheeseburger belongs to Steve. You ask. You’re not a caveman.” Calm. Direct. Firm. 

 

Steve laughed, but Billy didn’t. He was too shocked to do anything but look at Steve and god. Why did he have to look this way? Blue. So blue. Who needed eyes that color, really? What could could come of someone having eyes the exact color of the waters off of Tuscany in the middle of July? He was pretty sure he could fucking  _ hear _ Billy smile, spit slicked over his teeth as his lips made way for the crooked sort of gesture. Steve felt like he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar the way Billy was looking at him, but he hadn’t even done anything. All he did was look at Billy the way Billy was looking at him. 

 

“What do you say, Harrington?” Billy asked, his voice too low to match the way his eyes narrowed. “Can I have a bite of your burger?”

 

“No. I need the fuel,” Steve said simply, reaching over Billy’s hand where Dustin was still holding him and took the burger. The boy had gotten brave since they had demodogs running at a thousand miles per hour towards them. “I’m solving teenage love problems for extra cash.”

 

Billy’s eyes lit up like it was Christmas and honestly, Steve wasn’t sure he had ever seen him look this happy before. It was the most annoying thing ever. “Aww! Trouble in paradise, Shere Khan?” He teased, tapping the brim of Dustin’s hat as he leaned back in the chair. “What seems to be the problem?”

 

“Hey!” Steve cut through instantly, holding his hand up between them. “You solve his problem, I’m still the one getting paid. Don’t come wrecking my business, Hargrove.” 

 

He didn’t even have to look because he could hear the eye roll in Dustin’s voice when he said: “Steve, shut up”.

 

But Billy’s smile for Dustin turned into Billy’s smile for Steve and the buzz went right out the window again. “First ones always free, Stevie,” he heard the still somehow ridiculously tan boy say to him. They had been there for a long time now and Billy still hadn’t lost his tan. Maybe it was just permanent. “It’s how you keep them coming back.” To which Steve promptly pretended to gag. 

 

“Julie told Dustin last week that she wanted to go to the movies with him. Now she changed her mind and told him his hair looks like a used Brillo pad,” Steve explained before taking another bite from his burger.

 

“And your solution was getting Max to beat her up?” Billy asked, looking at Steve again before he turned his attention back to Dustin. He lifted the hat off of Dustin’s head and put it on his own, backwards. He reached forward again and ruffled Dustin’s curls a little. “Kid, I don’t think that girl has ever seen a Brillo pad, let alone used one enough to know what it looks like when it’s done. So I think you dodged a bullet with that one. My advice? Don’t use the same hairspray as her. My head is going to smell like  Farrah fucking Fawcett all day because of you.”

 

Dustin snickered as Steve’s face went bright red. “You know the scent, do ya?” He teased. Steve didn’t have any idea when Dustin turned into a man who could look Billy fucking Hargrove in the face and tease him about a hairspray. 

 

“Yeah. I do. My fuckin’ ma wore the shit, dumbass,” Billy said, slamming the hat back onto Dustin’s head and standing up. “Don’t be signing Max up for any fights. And don’t worry about your hair. Your curls are tighter than Julie anyway.” Neither of them were quick enough this time for when Billy took the rest of the burger from Steve’s hand with a wink and practically inhaled it in a ridiculously Dustin-esque way as he walked off. 

 

“He is a goddamn lunatic, Steve,” Dustin sighed, fixing his hat back the way he liked it, which really just consisted of him taking it off and putting it right back on the exact way Billy had left it.

 

Steve nodded, but his eyes watched as Billy disappeared. It was still so quiet. Like the whole mall had suddenly left and all he could hear was Billy’s boots. Then as quickly as it had left, it came back even quicker. That incessant drumming of human voices pounding on his brain. It drew a groan out of him and he slumped his head onto the table again. “Eat the last burger and lets get out of here. I’m starting to get a headache.”

 

Dustin didn’t have to be told twice. He scarfed down his fifth burger on his way to throw all of their trash away. He took the stack of empty trays up to Derick behind the counter. It made Steve slightly less mad that Billy called that curly headed doofus his son, because he was really proud at that moment. He was just a really good kid. 

 

“You wanna go see Goonies again?” Steve asked Dustin as they walked out of the doors, the sunlight straining his eyes until he remembered to put his sunglasses on. 

 

“Back to the Future just came out. We lived the Goonies, remember? Are you buying?” 

 

“Shut up, Dustin. When have you ever paid for anything?” Steve scoffed, punching Dustin’s arm lightly. The motion caught Steve’s sleeve in just the right way that dwindling digits on his forearm blinded him more than sunglasses could protect. Down to a three digit number. Just days now. He sighed, thinking about those stupid kids and how much he loved them and he groaned before moving behind him to open his backpack while they walked to the car. He grabbed the walkie and zipped the bag shut again. “Listen up—“ he said, cutting himself off as he tried to figure out who was closer and who would have the most signal. “Max, I’m taking you all to the movies. Do you want to see Goonies or Back to the Future?”

 

They reached the car on the far side of the parking lot before they heard a response. A female voice crackling in the radio.  _ We are the Goonies, Steve. And you have to say over when you’re done, over. _

 

Dustin, for probably the first time in his life, didn’t say a single word, but he looked smug as hell as he threw his bag in the back and slunk into the passenger's seat. 

 

“We are not the goddamn Goonies because that makes me Brand and that is  _ not _ happening. Are you going to the movies with us or not?” Steve handed the walkie to Dustin while he started the engine and started back towards town.

 

“Steve, don’t use the walkie if you aren’t going to follow the rules. I have to ask Billy and he’s not home.  _ Over _ ,” came her crackling reply after another beat of silence.

 

Dustin never even gave him a chance to reply. “He’s at the mall. He told me my hair was tighter than Julie. He’s been weird as hell lately. Over.”

 

_ Oh. He finally got a timer. Goes off on his birthday. He already hates birthdays more than anything in the world so. He’s just… either trying to ignore it or run from it or something. I don’t know. He’s been nice though. Well, as nice as he can get. Over. _

 

Steve reached over and snatched the walkie from Dustin before they could continue this pointless conversation. “Max, I’ve got other kids to call. I’ll come get you last. Let me know if you can’t go otherwise I’ll be there. Over.”

 

_ Thanks, Steve. Over and out. _

 

Steve handed Dustin back the literal brick that kept those kids connected. “Call Mike and Lucas see if they’ll bike over. I’ve only got so much room and you guys keep getting bigger. Joyce is at Melvald’s. I’ll stop and ask her if Will can go and we’ll go get him first. I’ll call Flo see if Hopper is around. We’ll get Jane, then Max and come back here and have a grand ol’ time. Sound good?” It must’ve because Dustin was immediately switching the channels and calling out for Mike which gave Steve time to check out before he had to deal with the  _ entire _ party all night. 

 

There was no place he would rather be.

 

—

 

“Oh, sweetie, that’s so nice of you!” Joyce squealed, reaching over the counter to give him one of the most awkward hugs he’d ever had. “Oh, I’m sure he would love that. You’re really gonna take all of them out by yourself? Are you gonna be okay?” 

 

Steve chuckled against Joyce’s shoulder. She was still holding onto him and it made him all warm and fuzzy. The way he wanted a hug from his own mother to feel like. Not that he would ever know. His mother hasn’t ever hugged him that he was aware of. Always just a cold hand on his shoulder. “Yeah. I’ll be fine. I’ve done it all summer.” He smiled at her when she finally let him go. 

 

“You’re a good kid, Steve. The kids love you. We all love you. You know that?” She was just so genuine all the time. She told you something and she meant it. She never minced words. 

 

That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to blush his whole face right off because of it though. “Yeah, yeah. I know it, mama bear. I love all of you just as much,” he promised, tapping on the counter a couple times. “Will you call Flo and see if Hopper will let me take Jane too? I hate leaving her out.”

 

“Get them for me?” She asked, looking at a couple coming up behind Steve with a cart of stuff. 

 

Steve walked behind the counter and put on his Scoops Ahoy voice to check them out. 

 

Turns out, the plan went south. Mike and Lucas wouldn’t bike there because there were too many people and too big a chance of people messing their shit up. So he just ran all the kids other than Max to the theater, gave them enough money to get in, get the normal round of snacks and save them seats while he went to get Max. Dustin left his walkie with him just in case and he called her on the way, saying her name about a dozen times until a voice came over the radio that was absolutely not Max. 

 

_ Harrington, why are you calling my little sister?  _ Billy’s voice is the one that came out of the other side. 

 

It made Steve laugh, the thought of him standing in the middle of Max’s room using an actual walkie talkie was just hilarious to him. “It’s family movie night, Hargrove. I’m on my way to get her.”

 

There was only a short pause before Billy spoke again.  _ She said she was going with her friends. _

 

“Yeah, Billy. I’m her friend. I know it’s hard to believe but I’m the ride. It would be stupid for me not to be friendly with them.”

 

_ Yes, but it’s not friend movie night. It’s family movie night. That’s different. She ain’t your family. _

 

“You’ve told me a thousand times she’s not yours either. Plus, when you play a sixteen hour campaign in the basement of your ex’s house while they’re upstairs with their new boyfriend and you have to deal with all of the smells and ignorant conversations they have, then yes. They’re family.”

 

_ You’re fucking weird. _

 

“I’m outside.”

 

_ Might want to come inside. The brat is still in the bathroom. _

 

Steve stared down at the walkie for moment before he pushed his shades back down and made his way up the sidewalk. The front door was open when he made his way through the porch so he shut it behind him. He had been over here before, but not with Billy here and certainly not with Billy being the one to invite him in. The whole thing felt weird. Especially since neither Billy or Max was anywhere to be seen. 

 

“No hot date on this Friday night?” Steve asked as he leaned against Billy’s door. The room was clean for having so much shit in it. Music everywhere. And books. Holy shit. Why were there so many books?

 

Billy looked up at Steve from where he was laying on his bed. “Nah. Tipped over all the cows already. No one worth a repeat performance.” He was laying there with his shirt open as usual, jeans and boots still on like he was ready to run at the first chance he got.

 

“I can radio the kids and tell them to hold an extra seat if you want,” Steve found himself saying like a goddamn idiot. Did he just invite Billy to the movies?

 

Apparently, he did because a burst of red hair flew past him and Max narrowed her eyes as she put her hands on her hips. “Steve!” She shrieked in that way all thirteen year old girls have. “Are you crazy?”

 

“Yes. I’m real crazy,” he said, grinning at her and pulling gently at the braid that was in her hair. “Billy comes if he wants to.”

 

It looked like it was mostly just to spite Max, but Billy sat up and smiled in that way that makes you wonder if he’s thinking about ripping your throat out with his bare hands. “I would love to go.”

 

That’s how he ended up in the middle of a bunch of kids with Billy fucking Hargrove at his side. What did he do to get here?

* * *

__And do you believe me now that I always had the best intentions, babe? //  
Always wanted to stay //  
Can you feel me now that I'm vulnerable in oh so many ways //  
And I'll never change  
  
Oh, I couldn't stop it, tried to figure it out //  
But everything kept moving and the noise got too loud //  
With everyone around me saying, "You should be so happy now"

 

The lights went down in the theater and the screen flickered off for just a few moments but that was just long enough. The buzz of the people around him kept getting louder and louder as they cheered at the promise of a new movie washed over them. It was dark and it was loud and Steve felt himself slipping away. He could tell the movie came on because the lights washed over him, but he wasn’t there. He was somewhere else. He knew it was quiet now, but the quiet brought even more terrifying noises. The slick, slimy slap of demodog feet against the vines in those tunnels. He could never get that sound out of his head. They were everywhere. All around them. If they had been ten seconds too early, Steve and Dustin would’ve been toast before all of the other kids would’ve been dead. They had no idea when Eleven would pull them away. And if they had been ten seconds too late, they would’ve gotten Hopper and Eleven killed. 

 

Steve could see the ash in the corner of his vision. Oh god. He was going to lose it in a packed theater of everyone he fucking knows while he’s sitting next to Billy fucking Hargrove. 

 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

 

Steve was about fifteen seconds from a panic attack in front of all the kids he needed to be strong for. Then the strangest thing happened. It was silent again. Like someone just pulled the plug on his brain and everything was fine again. Other than the fact that he still couldn't hear anything if there was anything to be heard. He still wasn't able to focus on the screen yet. 

 

“Come back,” Billy was whispering to him, his hand on Steve’s knee. “Where’d you go?”

 

Steve turned his head to look at Billy for a moment before looking down at his hand. There was a heat radiating from it, a warmth like the sun on your skin on a rooftop in Greece. “Here,” he finally murmured. At least he thought he did. He felt like nothing came out of his mouth. Like he never even moved at all. “I’m right here.”

 

Billy nodded. His hand was gone. And Steve was still right there. 

 

* * *

 

Home was the worst. Big and empty and cold and too many monsters and ghosts. 

 

Well, just one ghost, but that was more than enough for him. That was the one he couldn’t take a nail bat to. He had three now. One for his car, one for his room and one inside of the couch downstairs. They were all like that now. Something sharp and heavy within arms reach. The kids all had pocket knives sewn into their jackets courtesy of Joyce. A just in case they were all prepared for. 

 

And he hated that he was so affected by all of this. Compared to everyone else, he had it easy. One dead girl in his pool and an ongoing nightmare of watching Dustin be ripped to shreds by the hoard of demodogs that came at them in the tunnel was nothing like what Hopper and Joyce went through getting Will back both times. Or what Nancy and Jonathan did setting that traps and exposing the lab like that. Or the literal children fighting literal creatures from other dimensions to save their friend. Will drew a picture of what the gate looked like before Eleven shut it and it made Steve’s stomach churn. How one little girl could take on  _ that _ and shut it down?

 

Steve just happened into it both times. He was never supposed to be there. It wasn’t his fight to fight but he wasn’t going to run away from it when the safety of the world and the very few people he cared about was in danger. He was just scared all the time now. The mind flayer looked fierce and it was smart and it didn’t seem like the kind of monster to give up so easily. It was like a prickling at the back of his neck. It could come back. Probably would come back.

 

He liked to pretend that it wouldn’t, but he was always good at math. Statistics. The probability of them living happily ever after we’re low. It was just the Hawkins Curse. 

 

To cure his mind of the boredom spiral into a dark tunnel, he flipped through the magazines Jonathan had given him. Rock magazines that he has shipped over from England. Sometimes they have better music. They always have better articles.

 

Music meant a lot to him. It was all he had in his empty house. Television was shit. And he had more than enough money to keep him stocked. Honestly, it was really the only thing he had in common with Jonathan. He didn’t know how he could ever be mad at Nancy for going after someone that was obviously better suited for her. She could’ve given him a better exit though. 

 

He was glad he had something to talk to Byers about so he didn’t have to lose Nancy completely. If not for music, he would’ve sat there and only talked to Nancy all the time. It would’ve been weird if he couldn’t say anything to him at all. Steve had always loved the radio and milling around in the record store. Jonathan liked  _ knowing  _ music just as much as he liked listening to it. Knowing the where and the why of all the songs Steve loved. He really opened Steve up to a whole new side of music and as strange as it was, they were good friends because of it.

 

The mighty always fall far when they’re stupid. His father had told him that a thousand times. 

 

Byers really was a good kid though. Steve found himself buying all of the albums that he mentions mostly just for Jonathan to have them. He has to pick his music wisely with the limited funds Joyce and him brings home. Things are getting better though. Joyce got a pretty big raise this month so they’re going to be doing much better. Steve also knew that the doctor from the lab made a promise to take care of her until Will graduates from college. It’s how Jonathan is going to such a good school. Compensation for fucking up their lives pretty much. 

 

They were going both to NYU in the fall, Byers and Nancy. They both got in. Steve didn’t know where he was accepted to. He threw them all away. Every single one he ever got. He didn’t want to go to school yet and when he did, there was no difference in a degree from a community college from anywhere in the country or a degree from Yale other than greed and vanity. Steve had a large inheritance with no college stipulation attached anywhere. He would get it on his 21st birthday and he would be fine settling down anywhere he wanted and starting new somewhere else.

 

He just needed some space from it all. 

 

Steve turned off Phil Collins and crawled into his bed, eyeing the bat that was leaned up against the nightstand where he could get it quickly. It wouldn’t be long before the ghosts and monsters swallowed him up and held him for 4 hours before he woke up again and had to do it all over again. 

 

The buzzing became footsteps. Footsteps became the soft twinkling of Christmas lights. Alien chittering pounded at his ear drums. He could hear Barb screaming for help before a deep, inhuman growl cut through it all and yanked him down into another nightmare. 

 

Running. Just running all the time. Through the tunnels. He knew he would never find his way. Every time he ran down another tunnel, he never hits the rope. It always brings him right back into the hub. He can hear everyone he loves crying for him, begging for help. He couldn’t do it anymore. He was just so tired. Even in his dream he knew it. He was so tired of running all the time so he just slid down the walls and waited for the dogs to get him. That only made the screams get louder. 

 

_ Steve.  _

 

A gentle voice cut through the noise, not tuning it out, but softening it just a touch. He wanted them to call out again. Quiet it a little more and it didn’t take long before he heard it again. 

 

_ C’mon, Steve.  _

 

It was quieter still, but the footsteps surrounding him changed. Bigger, darker, firm. Not the slimy squish of flesh you would get from the monsters. Solid, deep, real footsteps just kept getting closer. He didn’t realize he had closed his eyes until he tried to open them. He didn’t get very far. A beam of light filled his eyes and he could almost make out the shape of a person behind the flashlight. He was trying to focus his eyes so he blinked, trying to get a grip on himself.

 

When he opened them again, the sun filled his vision this time. His blinds were always pulled all the way up so when the first hint of the sun hit him, he would be able to relax just a little. He turned his head to make sure the bat was still there, and as usual, it was. He sat up, trying to make sense of the dream he just woke from. His nightmares never ended like that. No one ever came for him. No one was ever in there that he could see. He could just feel their presence, hear them calling for him, they never actually got to him. 

 

_ Harrington.  _

 

That wasn’t a dream. Steve really heard it that time. Was someone in his house? He grabbed the bat and shuffled himself off of his bed as quietly as he could. He didn’t understand what was happening. Maybe he was still asleep? Maybe his reality was bleeding into the nightmare world. He hadn’t slept this late into the day in a really long time. 

 

_ Steve.  _

  
  


Steve whipped around, bat held high in the air, ready to swing at anyone or anything that was coming for him. Except, the only thing there was the nightstand next to the window. He moved into the stream of light and checked to see if anyone was in his backyard. The pool was still empty, just like his backyard. Just like his house. He was alone and he knew it. There was no one there but Steve knowing that didn’t make his body relax even just a little bit.

 

_ If you leave the light on //  
Then I'll leave the light on _


	2. buy yourself another day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve just wants a fucking funnel cake. Is that too much to ask?

_ Harrington! You’re late.  _

 

Shit. It was Billy on the walkie talkie. That was the voice that woke him up. Steve set the bat down and grabbed the hunk of plastic from one of the nooks in his headboard. “Late? Late for what?” 

 

_ The county fair. You forgot to pick Dustin up so I had to and it was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do so you fucking owe me. _

 

“The fucking fair doesn’t even open until five o’clock,” Steve spoke through a yawn.

 

_ Yeah, it’s almost six o’clock, Harrington. Have you been asleep this whole time, dickhead? Like I said, you’re late and I had the worst drive ever. That kid never fucking shuts up! _

 

Steve couldn’t help but laugh his ass off when Billy said that. He didn’t laugh over the walkie, but he seriously could not believe Billy could actually be that naїve. If he was stupid enough to pick Dustin up, that was absolutely in no way, shape, or form Steve’s fault. He also laughed because he couldn’t believe he slept that long in the first place. “See, the thing is the fair is three blocks from his house, I told him I wasn’t wasting gas for that. You got got by a thirteen year old, Hargrove. I don’t owe you shit.”

 

_ I fucking hate this fucking town.  _

 

_ “You and me both _ , asshole _.” _

 

Steve didn’t get a reply and he really didn’t care too. He was still shaken from the dream he was barely awake from. He was sure that the end of the dream was just the reality of Billy calling for him through the walkie talkie bleeding into the nightmare, but he couldn’t be sure. He wasn’t used to having new dreams. It was the only thing he could count on. He could always count on being alone and hearing the kids screaming from too far away for Steve to make it on time. That was it. That was how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to run through the tunnels, unable to find the rope, then he’d get eaten by the demodogs. 

 

He never thought in a billion years that he would miss those flower faced fucks.

 

Steve found the sound of his heart still pounding in his ears was more comforting than usual and he only got half a second of the comfort before the buzzing came back. He groaned, throwing himself back on the bed and covering his face with his pillow before letting out a scream to try to make more noise than was in his head. 

 

It didn’t work. It never worked. Ever. But it made him feel a little better. Like half a pound of weight slid right off of his shoulders with every scream.

 

After probably far too long, Steve pulled himself up and took a shower that was too hot and way too long, but he needed to feel something. His skin was red, his freckles blending in with his skin a little more than usual as he stood in front of the mirror, inspecting himself inside and out. 

 

In the year that he was dating Nancy, he had stopped working out as much. His muscles weren’t defined at all anymore. He wasn’t fat, he wasn’t even chubby, he just didn’t have his six-pack anymore. His arms were straight as a stick and his legs were still okay since he spent a lot of time running lately just to clear his head. His tan was gone. Nancy didn’t like it when he walked around with his shirt off and even though it was more than six months since their split, he was just in the habit. His arms were a little darker than the rest of him which meant if he did start walking around with his shirt off, he would end up with a weird farmers tan. His hair seemed especially flat today even though it was still dripping wet, Steve knew it wasn’t going to do what he wanted today and he hadn’t gotten it cut in a long time so he just brushed it back and put it in a ponytail as best as he could. There were pieces hanging all over where it was too short to go in the hairband, but he didn’t care, he wasn’t in the mood to fuck with it and it was going to be fucking hot today so he wasn’t going to mess with it.

 

He had decided yesterday and made it very clear to Dustin that he wasn’t going to the fair. It was only fun with a girlfriend or when he wanted to get into someone else’s pants. The rides were trash and the games were absolutely rigged to take as much of your money as humanly possible, but he was suddenly craving a funnel cake which meant he was going to have to make himself presentable; presentable meant he would have to take the hairband out. Hot or not, he couldn’t go out of the house like that. No man would ever pull a chick at the Fun Fair with 80% of his hair held up with his ex-girlfriend’s baby pink hairband. Not even the scrunchie kind that he could say was fashionable. It was just a regular, run of the mill hair tie. 

 

Steve shook his hair out, watching the water droplets that had hit the mirror slide down slowly, a few of them meeting and turning into one fat droplet that moved much faster than the rest of them. No wonder his grades had been so disastrous that last year. It didn’t take much at all for him to lose his concentration anymore. His mom had told him there was medicine he could take to fix that, but he didn’t want to go to the therapy it would take to get the medication. No, that wasn’t right. He did want to go to therapy. Desperately. He wanted to talk out his problems and have someone tell him he was textbook crazy and it was all in his head or whatever it was that they do. He wanted to go to therapy but he couldn’t. He was far too afraid to spill the wrong secrets and hurt himself, his family and The Party in the process. Instead, he just quit basketball and accepted his terrible grades until he could graduate. Barely. But a diploma is still a diploma and no matter what your grades are at the end, it doesn’t have your GPA on it. 

 

It only took him ten minutes to dry his hair and fix it. He was right -- it was much flatter than normal and there was nothing he could do to get it to stand up more without it smelling like fake flowers and making it as stiff as a board. He would just have to deal with it for today. Choosing his clothes is what took him the longest for some reason. He didn’t have anyone to impress anymore. He definitely didn’t have anyone that would notice if he put any thought into his outfit. Jeans, slacks, sweater, polo, it wouldn’t make a difference to anyone else so he wasn’t sure why he was making such a big deal about it. 

 

In the end, he decided on an old baby blue t-shirt with the logo of some Mexican company on it; some guy without a shirt on with his back to the camera and looking over his shoulder. It didn’t look very professional, but he didn’t know much about Mexican companies to begin with, so maybe it was. He had cut the sleeves and hems off of, leaving it loose and flowy, perfect for a day like this. He decided to go commando for once in his life since he was trying to fit himself into his favorite pair of jeans. They were darker than normal, the pockets were just the right size, and they used to fit perfectly, but he was learning that not only did he lose his definition, but he had apparently gained a little weight. He thought that maybe it wasn’t a bad thing because when he looked at himself in his full length mirror, he found that his ass looked  _ so fucking good _ .

 

“Damn, Harrington,” he flirted to himself, turning around to look at himself from the other side. “Shit. I should’ve got dumped a long time ago.” He situated his cock in his pants to make it look even bigger than it was because, for once, his ass was the main attraction which he definitely was not even remotely used to. Jeans were tight these days, but Steve had never been one to wear them so tight that they almost looked painted on. Now, he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to go back to his supposedly better fitting bottoms. 

 

His shades and a pair of black boots that he hardly ever wore were the finishing touches. 

* * *

It was almost dark by the time he got to the fair. He had parked at Dustin’s house because Claudia just had the one car so she had plenty of space, and also, it would just be much easier to get out of rather than parking in the field that was already soft because of the rain they had had the few days before.

 

On the walk down the street, he found Billy in his dumb Camaro, jean jacket on over another button up that was barely buttoned (even though it was about eight million degrees), smoking and listening to the worst sounding music in the entire world. Steve was starting to regret wearing jeans and boots even if he did look fantastic, but Billy was making him ten times hotter just looking at him. “Thanks for the wake up call,” he said, plucking the cigarette from Billy’s hand that was hanging out the window and taking a hit of it. 

 

He thought Billy would get angry, might call him names, hell, he thought he might even grab his funnel cake with a fresh black eye, but none of that happened. 

 

Billy looked up at Steve with an overly amused expression as his eyes dropped to the fading Spanish text on the front of his shirt. “Anything for you, Pretty Boy,” he grinned dagger sharp. He lit another cigarette, making it clear Steve could keep the one in his hand. “You have any idea what your shirt says?” 

 

He shook his head in response, resting his forearm against the hood of the car and leaning down a little. “No. Dad got it for me on some trip. I’m sure it was a last second thing so god only knows. He said it was for some company down there, I think.”

 

Billy looked him dead in the eyes and Steve had never been so thankful to be wearing sunglasses. “Never heard of a company being called ‘Take Me From Behind’.”

 

Steve almost laughed. He wanted to, but Billy was speaking more seriously than he had ever heard him speak and he couldn’t believe he wore this shirt for years. “Oh,” he sighed through an exhale before taking another hit and dropping the butt to the ground. He looked down at the shirt, wondering if it was just his dad taking yet another dig at him from the privacy of their yacht and private plane while Steve was at home, alone, as always. “Well, I’m going for a funnel cake and to hang out with the kids. Have fun sitting out here all alone.”

 

He was about to walk away when he felt Billy’s hand grip his wrist. “Are you going to hang out with Max?” He sounded worried. 

 

Jesus, Steve was so sick of this. “Dude, I’m not a fucking creep, okay? I don’t have any interest in your sister or  _ any  _ other kid so just drop it already. I wouldn’t even be around her if she wasn’t around the other kids.”

 

“Answer the fucking question, Harrington!” Billy snapped, his grip never tightening or loosening. It was obvious he wanted the question answered desperately and Steve should’ve been scared, but he wasn’t. 

 

“Yeah. I’m going to say hi to the kids before I leave, but I won’t be actively hanging out with them,” he answered evenly. 

 

“Neil knows Spanish. Straight or not, bilingual or not, if he ends up showing up with Susan like he said he might and sees that shirt, he will put you in the hospital. Doesn’t matter if half of Indiana is at that carnival right now.” Billy let go of Steve’s arm and got out of the car, moving to the trunk. Steve could only listen from where he was standing as Billy moved some shit around and then suddenly the blond held out a button down shirt that somehow didn’t have many wrinkles in it at all. “Here. Don’t say I never did you any favors.”

 

Steve was so confused. Not about Neil. He knew what an asshole that man was months and months ago even before Hopper warned him to keep an eye on Max because of him, not Billy. Neil was constantly getting in bar fights and it was never with a white man. When he wasn’t fighting at the bar, Billy would show up to school with bruises, claiming they were from a street fight but Steve never believed it. He couldn’t believe anyone else believed it either. He wanted to scream at Tommy when he heard him boasting about how Billy had gotten in a fight and beat the other guy so badly that he had to have eighteen stitches. He wanted to scream at anyone who believed that shit. How could they be so naïve?

 

He shook his head free of the thoughts of how shitty everyone in Hawkins was and started taking off his shirt before leaving it on the side of the road by the back tire of Billy’s car. He felt weird sticking his arms into Billy Hargrove’s shirt and buttoning it up just a tiny bit more than Billy ever would. It smelled like him. Too much cologne, too many cigarettes, musk, something metallic and the rest was just  _ Billy _ . “Thank you.” 

 

For a moment, Billy looked like he was regretting this whole thing, but Steve’s shirt was in the mud now even if Billy wanted to take his own shirt back. “Yeah.” Either the force of his breath or the way the cigarette bobbed between his lips caused the ashes to go cascading to the tar below their feet. Both boys watched it fall before looking back up for blue eyes to meet his sunglasses and if anyone else was around to see the exchange, it would look like they were checking each other out. “See you around.”

 

The blond disappeared into the car again and peeled off before Steve could even say goodbye. It was in the reflection on the back of Billy’s car as he sped away that he realized what Billy’s strange expression meant. He didn’t just give him any shirt. This was the red shirt the younger boy was wearing that night The metallic smell was most likely blood. Mainly Steve’s because Billy didn’t bleed at all other than a bloody nose that looked strikingly similar to the ones he had seen Jane have after using her powers. Slow and thick, not like any nosebleeds Steve had ever had. They were always thin and runny and got everywhere. But Steve couldn’t think about things like that. He was on a mission.

 

Operation Funnel Cake.

* * *

The walk into the fair was simple enough. These carnies weren’t stupid. They knew exactly how to do it. Funnel cakes were their hot ticket item so they always put them in the back which meant you had to walk through the whole fucking thing before you could get to the end. Steve almost wished he would have brought the radio with him because he could have just radioed the kids to find them instead of just wandering around. If they found out he was here and didn’t at least attempt to find them, he would never hear the end of it.

 

Steve did his best to not look at anyone but also scan to see if the kids were around or not. His fall from the top was final. He was no longer the King and his court had turned on him and they never failed to remind him of it. Thankfully, from the entrance to the funnel cake stand, he didn’t find any trouble. He was definitely not going to go to the tent that was set up to eat food peacefully under the shade. That was probably where everyone was hanging out. So, instead, he just walked around, holding the paper plate that was slowly becoming more and more soggy with oil while eating with the other hand. 

 

He was halfway through the funnel cake and almost back towards the entrance when he found the kids trying to work out the physics of the ladder game. Literally. Paper and pencils and watching everyone else do it and failing. 

 

“It’s rigged, nerds,” Steve said, through a mouthful of sugar covered dough. “You can only do it if you only touch the ropes, not the poles, and they won’t let you, because it’s rigged.”

 

The Party all turned around at the same time and looked at him like he had suddenly grown petals with hundreds of teeth around his head. 

 

“How do you know that?” Dustin asked. He seemed to be the most bewildered of them all.

 

Steve rolled his eyes and shoved the plate of what was left of the funnel cake into his hands. “They come here every year and every year I would try it. If any one of us can do it, it would be me.”

 

“Me,” Eleven corrected, looking rather normal in what he figured were new clothes. Her birthday was a couple months ago so they all bought her gift certificates to places in the mall so she could pick clothes that she wanted to wear and not be stuck with Joyce’s hand-me-downs of flannel, flannel and more flannel. “I could do it.”

 

“Wrong, that’s absolutely wrong.  _ That _ is cheating,” Steve rebutted, putting his hands on his hips, looking more and more like a disapproving mom.

 

“It’s not cheating if they are cheating us first, Steve,” she replied.

 

Steve was tired. He was just so fucking tired. The kids were so bullheaded and thought they knew everything because they all get straight A’s and can build radios from scratch or whatever it is that they do in their free time. “No, El, that’s not how it works. No cheating period. As long as we’re on the Right Side Up, no matter what the circumstances are, no matter what is happening, you don’t cheat. Got it? Can we all say it together like a good bunch of kids?”

 

He would never admit it, but he was honestly extremely surprised when Will, Dustin, Lucas, Mike and Eleven all chimed in together. “No cheating no matter what.”

 

“Good!” Steve grinned, patting the five of them on the head. “Wait, we’re missing one. Where’s Max?”

 

“Right here,” he heard from behind him. It wasn’t Max’s voice though. Nope. As soon as he turned around, he came face to face with Neil and Susan as Max moved behind Steve to join the rest of the kids. “Looks like you’re a good influence on these kids.”

 

Steve gave his best smile and thanked the stars that he ran into Billy first. “I do my best, Sir,” he spoke evenly. 

 

He could tell that Neil could see right through him though and he wondered if having Billy’s shirt on was a better choice than having the shirt his dad bought for him. “I like your shirt. My son has one just like it.”

 

“Yeah?” Steve asked, looking down at the button up. “Probably used to be his. I got this at the thrift store and they asked the school at the end of the year to have students donate some stuff to help out.”

 

Eleven, probably sensing the tension and wanting to break it before it got any worse, decided to speak up just then. “He bought me these suspenders from there too. They look just like new, don’t they?”

 

That seemed to fix the issue completely because Neil physically deflated and Susan smiled politely at Eleven. “They’re lovely suspenders, Jane,” she cooed all affectionate and motherly to her. Steve would have liked her soft spoken ways if he didn’t know that her quietness also led to silence when it came to the things Neil did to Billy. As long as it’s not Max, right? “Come on, dear. Lets leave Maxine to her little friends. I’m sure they don’t want parents hanging all over them.”

 

It wasn’t until long after Susan and Neil disappeared into the crowd of people that Max turned on him. “Why do you have Billy’s shirt? He would never give his shirts away.”

 

Steve shut his eyes tight. It was dark now and the lights were too bright and the noise was too loud and he couldn’t take all of this by himself all the damn time. “First of all, that’s none of your business and I don’t have to explain myself to you. Second of all, he did give it away to save my skin from Neil because apparently my dad is an asshole that doesn’t know Spanish and he bought me a shirt with an extremely improper saying on it.”

 

“Are you talking about your gay shirt?” Lucas asked like it was the most normal question in the entire world to ask. But Steve had only just remembered that Lucas’ father was raised in New Mexico which is probably a lot like normal Mexico, but Mr. Sinclair was built and intimidating and Steve never wanted to ask him too many questions.

 

“Yes. That’s the one. Turns out, it’s not a logo for a company which Billy informed me of on my way in and he let me wear this one instead and it’s a good thing he did because--”

 

“I would’ve stopped him,” Eleven spoke evenly. “He wouldn’t have gotten to punch you.”

 

As nice as it was and as good as it made him feel to know Eleven wanted to protect him, he had made a promise to Hopper, and long before he made that promise, he made the same one to himself. The kids would always come before him. “No, El,” he spoke just loud enough for her to hear. “You know the rules. Even if I’m dying, you let me if we’re around people who don’t know. You understand?”

 

He watched her curly head nod up and down even though she looked like she might want to cry. “I understand.”

 

Steve opened his arms up. “Group hug, guys,” he sighed, watching as one by one, they all surrounded him, smothering him in love. “I want you all home on time. Keep each other safe  _ without _ nosebleeds. I gotta get out of here.”

 

Eleven hugged him longer than everyone else before looking at him like she was reading his mind. He thought she was going to say something weird like she normally does, but she didn’t. She just smiled at him. “Hope you find some quiet, Steve.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I had the ability to update more regularly but my brain won't let me. Sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> lyrics in chapter one is from light on by maggie rogers which is also a good theme song for this story, but also no? i'm a firm believer in comments over kudos so if you made it this far, leave a comment with what time it is where you are and what percent your phone battery is on (also your thoughts if you want, but you don't have to if you don't want to).


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